Cryptic Happiness
by breaking d moonlight eclipse
Summary: Renesmee's friendly feelings for Jacob began to fall apart, replaced by deeper devotion and adoration. She remains naive throughout, but a devastating event spurted, forcing her to rethink the basis of her existence. I DONT OWN ANYTHING!


**The fabulous SM owns everything!**

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I gave a huge grunt of disgust as I pushed my mini pink cell phone on my black leather purse, exhaling an annoyed breath that seemed to burden inside of me. I placed the tiny thing on my bag and I swear I could hear a crack on my phone. I didn't even notice how hard I was gripping on it.

Warily, I pulled my hand again away from the purse and I was dumbly horrified of the little wires that were sprouting from the pink gadget. I just broke the darn phone—and the pink electronic that had been mine for the past three years was lying haughtily on my arms, smashed and ruined.

_Great._

The limping phone looked like it just got ran over by a speeding truck, and I tried, unsuccessfully, to piece it back together. When all it did was dangle and break apart, the red and blue wires mocking me, I gave a loud screech that echoed across my room, and maybe across all of Forks.

_Calm it, Renesmee. Cool it._

I took deep breathes and threw my stupid phone across the trash can ten feet away, the impact resonating a _thunk _sound, all of it forgotten. Guess I just have to buy another one again, I thought to myself grudgingly.

I sighed and plop ped down to my bed as a single curl also flopped down from my ponytail, annoyingly obscuring my left eye vision. I don't know why, but this took me over the edge even more.

_Darn hormones. _

I pulled the curls away from my eye, almost rooting them out of place.

Why couldn't I just cut it anyway? Maybe up there to my shoulder? It's almost too long. Maybe Jacob…

I shook my head before I could even process the possibility. Aunt Rosalie would kill me, Aunt Alice would rip me into pieces, and Mama would kill me again, twice…thrice… over and over again, even though I was all but a heap of ashes . Probably not, but I'm sure I would get a month-long of scolding and yapping. They loved my hair too much, saying that the notorious curls reminded them of Grandpa Charlie.

At the thought of my grandfather's name, my chest tightened again, and I have to blink back the traitor tears.

It was my entire fault that we were moving in New Hampshire, my fault that we would start somewhere else, leaving all my family and friends here in the boisterously rainy, but welcoming Forks. If I wasn't such an overgrowing freak, perhaps we could still have a month or two left. But life, and pretty much my whole existence, doesn't work that way. I _was_ an overgrown freak and I have to deal with the consequences of that.

The humans, stupid but endearingly curious, was starting to question of Bella, my Mama's, whereabouts. Where was she? Is it true that she unknowingly transformed into this devastatingly gorgeous creature? Is her disease all over? Was it contagious?

There was this one stupid time when they assumed that the Cullen's were really evil creatures—suspiciously in the league of the devil—and somehow captured and killed her, painfully and slowly. Not exactly wrong, but not exactly right either. The far-off rumors were swirling all around the miniscule green town and we found it very hard to stop them.

I made myself comfortable on my soft bed as I extended my legs as far as it could go, curling my toes just for the sake of it. I placed both of my arms behind my head, feeling the soft caress of my pillow underneath, gazing off lazily at the weird, swirling patterns at the ceiling that Aunt Alice somehow pulled off. Life was really a mess.

I heard someone loudly clear their throat, as if waiting for me to notice him or her, but I was too far off my own thoughts that I didn't pay it any mind. I was sure that it was just my father, accomplishing his routine of asking me what was wrong. He really was overprotective, somehow overly, but that's Edward Cullen for you. I was waiting for the drilling questions when another timbre voiced out instead.

"A penny for your thoughts?" A very familiar, husky voice ask.

Shook to the core as I realized that it wasn't my father, I swirled my head around the plump pillow, my stomach beginning to tighten in elated little knots.

I blinked and my heart suddenly hammered, palpitating in a weird but pleasant way, as I took in all the russet glory of him.

"Jake!" I shrieked, shooting up from my lying position so quickly that my movements were a blur.

My best friend smirked and I leaped down my feet, bolting straight to the doorway where my personal sun stood with that bright grin, lightening my mood almost in a second. By their own volition, my arms tightened around his waist, refusing to let him go.

"Oh my gosh! You're here." I gushed happily. I nuzzled on his chest, feeling the smooth muscles underneath the white cotton. Just like he always does, he placed his right arm around my waist, gripping on me as if I would soon be taken away from him, and placed the other on my curls, smoothing them behind my ear. "I can't believe it."

"Jeez, Ness." His grip loosened as he pulled me away to look at me straight in the eyes. His coal-black orbs were light, teasing. "If this how you would react every time I'm gone for a minimum of three freakin' days, then I'd gladly stay away from you from now on." He smirked and muffled my hair, pulling me on the maroon sofa that was perched beside my bed, just in front of the casement windows. "Can't blame you though, _my_ company _**is**_to die for."

I snorted as I pulled him down right beside me. "Don't start with me." I warned haughtily, a grin still plastered on my face. Jacob chuckled and travelled his gaze around my room, his inquisitive eyes taking it all in. The scattered purse, the riotous thrown clothes, the piling boxes on my closet were a first for him, I'm sure about that.

"What's the mess about?"

"For the move."

Jacob frowned and I found myself frowning, too.

"What's wrong?"

He shrugged his shoulders and refused to look at me. "Nothing."

My curiosity peaked to its highest, a burning need to ask, but I wasn't going to question him, not until he found it comfortable to answer anyways. He had always been that way, listening but not pushing, and it was my turn to reciprocate that respect.

I made myself comfortable on the tiny sofa, placing my head on the armrest, so I was lying horizontally, while settling my legs on Jacob's lap. Just like I always do.

"So… how'd the meeting go?" I asked, giggling as Jacob tickled my toes.

Jacob smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. Something was wrong.

"It was a'yt. Tiring, yes, and I'm glad it's over." He pretended to yawn, accompanied by an overdramatic stretch, and my frown deepened.

"Did the elders give you a hard time?" I demanded, sitting myself up in the same blurred movements. "What did they make you do?" I questioned harshly as several scenarios, all worst cases, ran through my head: Jacob being forced to join Sam's pack again, Jacob being threatened to be exiled, Jacob being called as a traitor, Jacob being forced not to see me again. "Oh my gosh! They're are trying to—"

Jacob rolled his eyes, then stupidly pinched my cheeks to shut me up, not too hard but not too soft either. I thwacked his head as I felt another bruise coming on. I was still half-human, and strong pinches _do_ affect my skin still, but not as horrible as the human's, thank god.

I rubbed the red mark, and felt them prickle under my touch. "That hurt!" I growled.

Jacob shrugged his shoulders, pretending that he was apathetic, but his eyes showed another story. The playful, black eyes lit up mischievously.

"Aww! The poor baby." He cooed teasingly, and I narrowed my eyes, ready to rip his head off. Jacob huffed, "Oh alright! Here." He pulled me towards him and kissed my red cheek with a loud, exaggerated _mwah_. "Feel better now?" He asked, his eyes still playful beneath the long lashes.

"Not really." Lie.

My stomach was jumping up and down now, a fact that shocked me, and I prayed to all the mighty heavens above that my blush would not creep and taint my albino-ish cheeks. I shortly shivered as Jacob suddenly held my hand with his callous ones. What the hell is happening?

He chuckled and plunged me back to my lying position, still holding my right hand, temporarily calming my tingly feeling. The same way as before, he settled my legs on his lap while he stared at me with an unfamiliar expression. If I didn't know any better, knowing that he was my goofy best friend, I would consider it as adoration? Maybe. Maybe not.

Jacob and I always had a special bond, something that couldn't be explained by all the complex words in the dictionary. It was just there; bringing us closer and closer together. I always suspected that if I hang out with him enough, or maybe talk to him for long periods of time, he would just blurt out and confess his suspicions about our pull together. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking.

Jacob's eyes ran over my room again, while I was busy taking all his rugged, but beautiful, features in. I missed him so much.

"So, Ness," Jacob began with laughter in his voice, and I discreetly smiled as I realized that the weird part was over—for now, at least, "what the hell is that small, pink thing doing beside your trashcan?"

"Huh?"

He pointed over something beside my bed and I saw my cell phone, looking ridiculously crushed and broken.

I blushed deeply. "Nothing."

"C'mon," he pinched my knee, "tell me."

"No way." I argued back playfully, deftly crossing my arms. "I'll tell you if you tell me what happened at the meeting."

It was a futile request, seeing that he still wouldn't budge, but I still hoped that he would still tell me. We don't keep any secret. We _can't _and _won't _keepany secrets. Until now that is.

Jacob pursed his lips, hesitating whether to tell me or not. He looked so torn, and the atmosphere around the room immediately tensed.

_C'mon tell me already._

"Well," He ran his hands through his black hair, and I gave an internal yelp of joy for the upcoming explanation, "they just basically told me that I was being irresponsible for breaking the pack, for turning and leaving them for the 'bloodsuckers'"—he raised his fingers to quote the mildly derogatory word—"instead of the other way around. I just don't get how they can't accept that I'm running with the leeches now." He smirked, and so did I. "I sure as hell am not forcing anything. You don't see me begging for Embry and Quil to stay." He huffed at the thought. "My pack can go back there own way—go back to Sam—but not Leah. Definitely not her. She's miserable. I can't just push her away and give her some weird Alpha command for her to go back to her own personal hell. She needs freedom and happiness just like everyone in the pack. And I'm not going to force her to suffer again."

I still don't know where this is going. I don't see the connection of the perpetually happy Jacob being sullen to Leah's personality transformation.

There must be some kind of emotion indicator on my face because Jacob immediately explained.

"Leah wants to go away, go to college, and the elders want her to come back, saying all that crap about her having the duty to protect her tribe. And the tribe _only." _Jacob growled. "The oldies are damn short-sighted, also putting up that two packs were an abomination, and there should be just one pack, one Alpha to lead the clunk of _protectors. _It was always that way, and they stupidly refused to accept new ones. Accept any change."

From there on, Jacob began to tremble and I squeezed his hand, smoothing it with my fingers. I could see him obviously relax, the trembling slowing, and I relished to the fact that I have this effect on him the same way as he does to me.

"I just don't see how they still can't accept that I can't lead the pack now, assuming that you will move away. The pack is important, but there are far more important things than that."

"And that would be?"

"Squirt," he sighed, "_you_, of course."

"Me?" I asked, incredulous.

Jacob started to stand up, and I started to protest. Where is he going?

He firmly placed my legs on the sofa, and sat on the floor instead, right beside me. The tiny sofa felt uncomfortable to him for sure. He grinned at me with that sweet smile and muffled my curls, and I then found out that my mess of a hair was his favorite place to touch.

He stretched then kissed my forehead. Oddly, I felt myself getting flustered, and I then wondered why I was acting like this. In order to calm me down, Jacob always did this to me from time to time.

I don't know what changed now.

He pulled away and placed his warm arm underneath my head to make it as my pillow. He pulled my face to the side, so I was facing directly at him.

"Since when have I ever left you?" He challenged with sudden intense eyes. "Ness, you don't realize how important you are to me. Everywhere you go, I go. We're a package, remember?"

"Jake," I breathed at our close proximity, "I know we have been together since forever, but I just don't get how you could sacrifice your status as an Alpha just to be with _me_." My voice suddenly turned hysterical, frantic. "_Me,_ the a freakishly overgrown four-year-old, _me _who is at fault of all the Volturi incident, _me _who'sthe monster who almost killed my mother, _me_ who just ruins every peace that this family built up for a hundred of years." I sobbed, my voice quivering in strange places. "Jake, I love you, but I know you can do so much better than hang out with someone like me—a _hybrid_."

I bit my lip as all my frustrations flowed rapidly through my words, and I looked the other way so I couldn't look at him straight in the eye. To my own shock, my words just shot freely out of my mouth as if they were waiting for me to say it loudly for a long time.

_Darn hormones._

Jacob rubbed my back, somehow understanding that I needed to cool off.

"You might be half-bloodsucker, Ness, but I wouldn't trade you for anything in this world. Even for a box of Cheetos." He deadpanned and I chuckled, now wiping the prickling tears.

Jacob always made light to our few tense moments, and I loved him for that.

After seconds of Jacob's constant rubbing, the room was at peace, and I took the companionable silence to ponder about my stupid rant.

I couldn't make sense of what I was saying. Why was I forcing Jacob to stay away from me? Do I want him to go, to find her perfect woman? Leave me alone and break our friendship just for him to be happy? And to finally stop strolling around with a freak of nature like me? I guess I was being selfish, but the thought of such things were heart wrenching. Jacob had always supported me, through my ups and downs, through the peace and the hormones, and imagining that he would cease to exist in my life was just toomuch to handle.

I finally calmed down enough to confess another one of my insecurity.

"I just don't know what right I did in my life to deserve such an amazing friend like you, Jake."

His rubbing slowed as he sighed deeply.

"Ditto, Ness. Ditto."

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**If you liked it enough, and seemed to be interested in how this goes, please let me know. Thanks for reading. :)**


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